Thursday, December 30, 2010

thursday sucks

sometimes I hate the assholes I work with. they are like little fucking kids.
I'm amazed constantly that this place still runs sometimes.

Monday, December 27, 2010


Well I found out a guy I've played disc golf with quite a few times died last week. I'll withhold the full name. I found out the day before Christmas. Then found out an old acquaintance from high schools husband died also.
So today is the funeral for the guy I knew, and I just found out he killed himself.

If anyone is actually reading this then I'll tell you I have had mental issues my whole life and have been suicidal quite a bit of my adult life.
I recently finally got correctly diagnosed bipolar and a few other things and have been taking lithium for about 6 months now and it is the first drug that actually seems to be stabilizing my mood swings.
I still have some other issues I'm trying to deal with, and I still get happy and sad. But the lithium really seems to make me more "even keel" for lack of a better word.
anyway... so this really bummed me out to find out Rod was apparently depressed enough to take his own life.

It used to freak me out when I would find out about someone killing themselves that I knew because I have tried to kill myself so many times in the past.

It didn't freak me out so much as just made me wonder how much I pay attention to people I know. I mean. I was on the same card as this person at a tournament last year and he seemed fine. he played at our clubs mini's all the time and always looked to be in good spirits. he would hang out often after a round and drink a few beers. he even won an ace pot over the summer.

well... the funeral is in an hour or so.
be well people. pay attention to others around you.

R.I.P. Rod

Thursday, December 23, 2010

hAPPY hOLIDAYS( fun W/caps lock)



Monday, December 20, 2010

kookie monday

so I'm looking at some tutorials on text effects using photoshop CS and Illustrator and it's painfully obvious I need to at least take a class in some basic photoshop stuff.
I can kinda follow the tutorials, but they skip steps or assume you know to much sometimes .
but it's all good. I'm learning more and more.
got a call about a computer gig today but then they called back right as I was about to ask my boss if I could get off early. oh well.
another lady called and left a message about needing some help, but I called her and left a few messages so far.
got all the pop3 mail info I needed to be able to check the mail from our new website, so that is good.
and got my raise processed today.
so all in all it was a pretty good day.
now I go home.

Friday, December 10, 2010


been working on learning about backlinks, link anylitics, link spamming VS link building, etc. and also working on helping a friend figure out how to tehter his camera to his laptop and then show the image on a screen with a projector.
adobe light room here I come!!
I need a graphics tablet.
gonna go be his assistant at a photo lighting class tonight.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

gall bladder

so I may need my gall bladder removed. have to wait till the 23'rd to see a doctor.
I was able to watch some of the top pro disc golfers at the VPO in October, but couldn't play.
work is good. city voice got our new website up and running,

so that's cool.

Friday, May 14, 2010

got my car back and..

tried to go play some disc golf today but I got there right as some fierce winds hit and then the rain came down.
I tried to wait it out a bit but it just kept getting worse so I finally bucked up and ran to my car.
then I was going to go see some friends tonight, but they were busy so staying home feeling sorry for myself.

Monday, May 10, 2010


happy moms day to all the moms, umm. yeah.. yesterday.

I went and saw my mom saturday afternoon and then cruised out to Frisco for the FC Dallas soccer game.

drank wwwwaaaayyyy ttooo much. thankfully I only had to cruise over a short distance after the game to stay the night with some friends.

I did something stupid in my drunken state though.
and I still feel bad about it.
but hell. thats what we do right?
it wasn't too bad. nothing life altering.

came home and recuperated Sunday and talked to mom a bit.

now my phone is turned off, which kinda sucks since I got a VM from a lady about a computer gig I should be going to today.

still recuperating today.
have to go see my PO tomorrow.

Friday, May 7, 2010

I'm out!!

of cigarettes. maybe a good day to quit?! haha.
gonna mow the lawn today. I love to mow!!!
posted my resume on craigs list last night. we'll see what happens.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

fucking fuck!!!

what the fuck is wrong with you people?!?!
I see this shit on the news about how inside edition is doing an undercover investigation on how sex offenders work at places like hotels. OMFG!?!? well were on earth do you want them to fucking work?!
some of them are people like a teenager who had his record sealed and is now an adult and now since they said his name and showed him on camera he'll probably lose his job.
I mean I understand the concept.
we dont want guys convicted of raping little children working at the local day care.
I get that. I'm down with that.

and I understand maybe a hotel isn't the best place as well. but what they dont say in their "fact spouting crap" is that out of all those hundreds of people they found working at hotels, some of them are registered sex offenders for things like public exposure. which you can actually be convicted of just for urinating behind a tree somewhere you think no one is watching.

and then what really got me is the clip of this lady who works for some child protective services place that almost had a heart attack when they told her about it.

and again, I think people who rape children deserve a special kind of punishment ( I wont say a place in hell because I dont believe in fairy tales ) , same as murderers and whatnot.. but WTF is wrong with all these people wanting to exercise their own special justice on people who just made a mistake in the past and are trying to turn their lives around ?? it's hard enough trying to get a job with ANY kind of felony conviction, let alone having a news crew come into ones place of employment and ask your manager if they knew you were a (insert any felony here ) ??

your fucked!!

so guess what a lot of them end up doing????

turning back to crime.

good fucking job lady. dont cry to me when some guy who had a decent job and was doing fine til you came along and cried foul just to make yourself feel better and then he breaks into your house at night and extracts his own brand of justice.

fuck you bitch!!

can you tell this stuff gets to me?


Friday, April 30, 2010


back hurts a bit for some reason.
I had to bail in the middle of a round yesterday because it hurt so bad.
gonna do some job searching today and maybe head over to a friends work party later. free BBQ and beer... dont think I can pass that up :)

Thursday, April 29, 2010

lost and found

lost my Buzzz ( it's a type of disc) playing last night.
but I went back this morning and found it AND an orc someone lost. no name or # on the orc of course.
silly humans.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

hump day disc.

so my car started , which was awesome because it saved me having to pay a tow truck to take it to my mechanic.
he said something that worried me a little, but we wont go into that.
borrowed moms car and came home planning to bunch up some branches to be taken to the curb for trash but a friend just text-ed me about playing some disc so I think that is the plan.
gonna be good to get outside in this beautiful day and throw some discs.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


so tomorrow I should be either driving my car to the shop in Dallas or having it towed there. hopefully driving it of course.
mom is going to let me use her car while mine is being fixed. gotta love moms.
did some yardwork today. edging and fertilizer and moved some branches that need to go to the curb tomorrow.
no drinking.
and I'm out of smokes so kinda freaking out.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

lazy sunday

doing laundry, some dishes. just made some pasta. arm hurts . depressed. almost out of cigarettes. bummer.
I may go out to the park since it's such a nice day, and try and sell a few discs.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Thursday, April 22, 2010


unintentionally perverted kids toys
that just made my day :)
went over to moms and she is fine. something is just wrong with the phone line.
that really made my day.
but the when I got home my ignition is stuck on my car. it wouldn't turn off or let me turn the ignition backwards at all.
I called a Saturn dealership that still exists and the guy wasn't much help. so I figured out how to pull off a connector under the hood that killed the motor, which still left the ignition in the on position so the battery was still running.
So then I had to figure out a way to disconnect the battery without having it set off my car alarm.
when I disconnected the negative terminal it shut down the ignition without setting off my alarm so thats done.
but it's gonna cost $350-500 that i dont have.
I'm fucked.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

what day is it?

Oh yeah, Wednesday.
didn't do much. felt like crap. depressed.
Scott called a few ago and is picking me up for some disc golf since I dont have any gas money :(
but it will be good to get outside.
I'm worried about my mom. her answering machine isn't picking up and my step dads phone goes straight to voice mail.
the last I heard from here was the 13'th, and it's weird for her not to answer the phone and I know they didn't go anywhere.
I'm going to have to call her apartment people tomorrow and ask them to check on her before I think about calling the police.
but it has me worried.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

After Monday and Tuesday...even the calendar says W T F.

Sorry I didn't post yesterday.
It would have been angry post.
I'm not sure how much longer I can take this again. something has to change, and it's not just suddenly going to happen. I can't wait for it.I have to make it happen.
I have an appointment this morning so wish me luck.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

something sunday

almost forgot to post today.
Didn't do much. rained all day and since I dont have any $$ I stayed home and played computer games all day.
I only drank 1 beer today. and only had 2 yesterday, so go me!!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

will wonders never start?

didn't do much today. raining off and on all day so....
tried to go out last night but didn't put much effort into it and everyone was busy it seemed.
got up and found out I had a problem with GLB so I figured out it was a Java update thing and fixed it.
played Civ IV most of the day.
made some rice and chicken and about to lay in bed a bit.
arm is feeling better but it's not fully healed yet.

Friday, April 16, 2010

why cant it be over.

I just want it to be over. but then when it is close to being over, I am afraid. you have no fucking idea what this is like. it is hell.

strange dreams

Very vivid. I dont know where I was but I noticed a small bug inside my cheek and when I reached in to pull it out I noticed a hole in the inside of my cheek.then somehow a yellow ball or "egg sack" started to push out from behind the hole. it was about the size of a large gumball and really hurt as it pooped out into my mouth. I was standing at a sink and spit it into the sink. I knew it contained eggs from whatever that bug was.
there were more "egg sacks" behind that one and as they started to push out a red LED light flashed in the mirror saying "remove 40 " . I was freaking out and after 30 or so of them came out from wherever in my body they came from I could hear an echoing sound to my own thoughts. almost like there was now a hollow space somewhere in my body or brain and I wondered where they all came from. then I woke up.
my arm hurts.
I went outside for my morning smoke and as I watched the dogs roam my thoughts wandered and for some reason I thought about the trip to Austin for the BBQ with my DAOC friends and the breakfast we all had the first day.
odd where thoughts come from sometimes.
I have to hang around the house today since the plumber is finally coming to fix dads toilet.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

nothing different.

woke up and had a few beers. checking my GLB stuff and surfing around a bit. trying to motivate to do some job apps. feel like shit as usual.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

day 1 of the rest of my misery.

welcome to my anonymity!

I'll make day 1 short and sweet. I woke up and found out I had my refund on my wal mart money card finally so went and got some gas and a few beers and went out to the park to play disc golf.
I was a tad buzzed so I got a red bull, and another beer.
but I had fun playing a round with some friends.

now I am home doing something I should have done a long time ago.
feeling sorry for myself as usual.

dont make me tell me story yet. wait for it.

and no, this is not who you think it is.